Tuesday, April 17, 2007

A cloudy starlit night

Stepping outside tonight, the cool breeze kissed my cheek. For some reason, tonight I'm full of melancholy and emptiness. I watch the moon as it slowly makes its way across the sky, feeling a tear make its way down my cheek. It's easy to walk around Three Graces, the grass cool between my toes (Oh how my sister would protest such impropriety!), and curl up in the comfort of one of the tree branches of the knotty oak that's lived there since before I can remember. My mind traces my life, back through when we lived at the Bardhaven Estate, on Badger lands... the happiness, the sadness... I look at my life now. with its ups and downs... so much has changed, and yet so much is the same. I have wonderful friends now, some more dear than others, but with more dangers, I think. Am I capable of handling it all? Right now it feels like I can't... My world is too swirly, too full, and it scares me. There's too many balls up in the air, and my young life hasn't let me see these things and how they work in all their glory. I crave so much.... love, attention, playtime, talking... am I selfish? Perhaps I am. Am I needy? Again.. perhaps. I find my senses heightened, I hear the calming cadence of my Master's voice, the soothing lilt of my sister's. I listen to them talk, wonder what this place would be were I to leave, if I have left my mark. I haven't...I could steal away like a thief in the night, and nobody would be the wiser.

And yet here I stay, my heart firmly taken root in this place, my tears watering those roots, my smiles making them grow.

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